How to Manage Anaphylaxis Anxiety: Support for Your Child and Yourself
The good news is, you and your child can still live full, happy lives, even with severe allergies. The key is learning ways to manage your own anxiety, help your child feel more secure, and build more confidence in both of you.
Supporting your child starts with supporting yourself — not by setting your fears aside, but by understanding and working through them. Here’s how.
Anxiety isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s there to protect you. “Anxiety helps you assess risk and take safety precautions,” says Tamara Hubbard, a licensed clinical professional counselor and the author of the forthcoming book May Contain Anxiety: Managing the Overwhelm of Parenting Children With Food Allergies.
But it’s important not to let it take over your life. “People often avoid activities beyond what’s medically necessary to calm their anxiety,” says Hubbard. “But that can actually make coping harder and reduce your quality of life.” Watch for signs that anxiety is accumulating, such as avoidance of activities, changes in appetite, persistent fears, and sleep difficulties, and seek support if you need it.
Talking to a mental health professional can help you learn coping strategies to better manage anxious thoughts. “Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), especially with a provider experienced in pediatric food allergies, can be highly effective,” says Sara Voorhees, PhD, an attending psychologist in the division of immunology at Boston Children’s Hospital. “Support can help families find a healthy balance between caution and confidence.”
The constant fear of “What if it happens?” or “What if it happens again?” is common with anaphylaxis anxiety. The key isn’t to ignore it but to manage it thoughtfully.
Hubbard recommends two practical steps:
Connecting, either online or in person, with other caregivers of children with food allergies can help you feel less alone and offer practical support.
Look for a local group or connect online through the Asthma & Allergy Foundation of America’s Kids With Food Allergies online support community.
“The goal isn’t to be a ‘perfect’ parent, since that’s not even possible. Rather, it’s to be a present parent — even if that means you’re present with a variety of emotions,” says Hubbard.
Do your best to treat yourself with kindness. “It’s important to offer yourself the same compassion you would extend to another parent in your shoes,” says Dr. Voorhees.
Try it next time you catch yourself being self-critical. Let’s say your child almost eats something that would have caused a reaction, and you start beating yourself up. What would you say to another parent or close friend? You’d most likely offer support and understanding instead.
You need to strike a careful balance between keeping your child safe and allowing them to live fully. Here’s how you can do that.
“Many parents avoid talking with their children about anaphylaxis to protect them from anxiety, but avoiding these conversations can actually increase worry,” says Hubbard. Make a point of having these conversations, and use calm, gentle language. For instance, say, “Peanuts can make your body very sick,” instead of “Peanuts can kill you.” Books, role-play, and stories can also help children understand allergies in a way that builds confidence, rather than fear, she says.
Rather than stressing to your child what they must avoid, help them build confidence through actions they can take to stay safe.
Practicing allergy safety, such as always carrying epinephrine, communicating clearly, following the emergency plan, and reading ingredient labels, can help your child feel prepared and capable. “These routines allow children and caregivers to engage with the world confidently, rather than avoid it,” says Voorhees.
The more your child knows about managing their allergy, the better. Here are some skills you can teach them, so they feel prepared — not panicked:
After a reaction, or simply when fear of a reaction creeps in, your child may feel shaky or on edge. When this happens, “Grounding exercises help shift the body from ‘fight or flight’ to ‘rest and digest,’” says Hubbard.
Try simple techniques, such as the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory method: Identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Ask the allergist or a mental health provider for more age-appropriate strategies if you need them.
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