What Are Parasocial Relationships — and Are They Healthy?
Have you ever become such a fan of an influencer, celebrity, athlete, or TV character that you know their Starbucks order and their favorite vacation spots? Are you so clued in that you celebrate their highs and feel bummed when they’re struggling?
It sounds like a close friendship, except for one key detail: They don’t know who you are.
A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship formed when one party extends energy, interest, and time and the other person in reality doesn’t know they exist, according to the National Register of Health Services Psychologists.
The term was first used in an article from 1956, when two researchers noted new relationships forming between audiences and stars of news programs, television, and movies.
It’s helpful for explaining why, for example, when someone’s favorite weather person delivers the morning forecast, that viewer’s attitude is: “I trust this weatherman and what this weatherman is saying must be true,” says Rachel Kowert, PhD, an Ottawa, Canada–based research psychologist and the research director of Take This, a mental health advocacy organization with a focus on the digital gaming industry. “The viewer or the fan feels like they really know, relate, and have a sense of familiarity to the person they're following.”
Parasocial relationships go beyond simply following an influencer and engaging with their content. “It involves a level of commitment to a public figure where you even begin to view the celebrity as a friend or confidante,” says Jessica Leader, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Root to Rise Therapy in Los Angeles. “There is one-sided intimacy.”
These days, parasocial relationships may seem especially intimate since it’s simple for famous people to engage with their followers on social media, but not necessarily in the deep, meaningful ways that we connect with our real-life friends and family.
“What's unique is that it's reciprocal now and that makes the lines even blurrier,” Dr. Kowert says.
What’s more, there’s some evidence that people’s parasocial relationships may have gotten stronger during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic when social distancing protocols led to more people interacting virtually with their real-life friends and family — and this was found to be true particularly among those who had more parasocial engagement overall and did less face-to-face socializing.
“Increased exposure to real-life friends through screen media may blur the lines between the social and parasocial, increasing the value of parasocial relationships during social distancing,” the researchers of that study concluded.
Parasocial relationships are common and perfectly normal. “We're human, and we're social creatures, and we like to feel related to other people,” Kowert says.
Overall, these relationships aren’t necessarily positive or negative, but rather they can be a lens through which to experience our own mental health. “We can feel inspired, encouraged, and supported in a way we may not receive through other relationships in our lives,” Leader says.
Examples of these types of healthy parasocial relationships include following a singer, politician, or sports star who came from a similar background as you and has achieved success or following an influencer on social media who inspires you to live a healthy life.
Parasocial relationships can offer a few other benefits:
Providing a Safe Space for Those Who Feel Uncomfortable in Social Situations Leader says there’s a risk-free aspect to these relationships. There’s no possibility of rejection, so those who are shy or lacking confidence in their social interactions can feel safe.
Boosting Confidence and Making Someone Feel Comfortable Engaging With Others Kowert says an advantage of parasocial relationships is you can practice interacting with other people if you engage with them on social media. In principle it’s an opportunity for social learning and you can take what you learn into the real world, she says.
Aiding in Identity Development Research has found that parasocial relationships may help young people form their identities and develop autonomy, as well as people of other ages, Kowert says. “We all have role models who we look up to,” Kowert says.
Still, there is disagreement about whether parasocial relationships breed loneliness or if these relationships can broaden your social network, according to the National Register of Health Services Psychologists. Both Kowert and Leader believe it’s the latter. “They do not replace ‘real’ relationships,” Leader says.
Kowert adds that the research doesn’t necessarily support that parasocial relationships are a mechanism lonely people use to fill a void. “I have yet to meet a single person who has only relied on parasocial relationships that prevented them from acquiring reciprocal relationships,” she says.
All in all, a typical parasocial relationship is harmless and not dangerous. “There's nothing really unhealthy about a parasocial relationship unless it crosses a line and it starts to be something like stalking,” Kowert says.
Stalking goes beyond the typical boundaries of a parasocial relationship.
That said, it is possible for a parasocial relationship to take an unhealthy turn if behaviors start to feel stalker-ish or if the relationship is taking up too much of your time.
“If you're making the person uncomfortable, that might be a sign [the relationship is unhealthy],” Kowert says.
It may be hard to identify this yourself, however. To you, you see this person as a friend and think you’re engaging like a friend would. If a third party — a friend or family member — mentions that the relationship may have gone too far, it’s a good idea to listen.
According to Leader, it’s also time to seek help if you’re:
Prioritizing these relationships over real ones
Not engaging in the world and feeling lonely or isolated
Feeling tethered to this person’s opinions and losing your own
If that sounds like you, consider speaking with a mental health professional. “Therapy can help with social skills, fostering connections and forming secure attachments, and working through any fear of rejection,” Leader says.
A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship where a person extends time, energy, and emotion toward another person (often a celebrity or public figure) who doesn’t know them.
Generally, parasocial relationships aren’t a bad thing; they can foster a sense of belonging, improve confidence, and aid in identity development.
However, investing too much in parasocial relationships can be detrimental. If you’re making the person uncomfortable or prioritizing parasocial relationships over real ones, it may be time to break it off and seek professional help.
